Throw Back Thursday: Broken

The following is a dramatized story built from my memory.

Blood covered the snow, the ice, the road, and my little brother Jacob. His head had made a dull thud as it hit the ground and afterwards, silence; no crying, no screaming, nothing. I didn’t know what to think or do. All I could manage was to stand there and stare at my little brother until my vision would fade and then I had to blink before continuing my stare.

          “What happened?” asked my annoyed older brother, Sam, from the snow hill. The question hung in the air awkwardly and when neither of us answered he walked over angrily. Sledding was not the time to deal with your younger siblings’ tussle.

          He was about to chew us out, but then he saw the blood.

          “What happened?” he shouted frantically.

          Just an hour ago, fresh snow blanketed the ground after school and all the neighborhood kids went to the snow hill to sled and make forts. Snuggled up warmly in my snow gear I waddled after my older brother as he dragged the sled behind him. Jacob and I would jokingly jump on the sled and try to get rides but Sam would always stop and tell us to get off. As we walked towards the snow hill the neighborhood kids joined us and a group slowly gathered.

          The snow hill towered above us with recently snowplowed snow. Excited to start sledding, we all ran towards it like hungry little penguins quickly shuffling to catch a fish. Jacob, who was four at the time, just followed the older kids and did what they did. He loved attention, especially from the older kids, so he always did crazy stuff just to make them laugh. Jacob had his fun but my friends weren’t there and I was tired from my long day at school so I wandered away from the loud neighborhood kids. Finding a safe and comfortable spot in the snow at a safe distance from the hill, I lay down and stared up at the sky. Soon enough I was fast asleep, cozy in my snow gear and under the shining sun.

          When I awoke, I was cold. Sitting up I realized that someone had removed my hat, gloves, and scarf while I was sleeping. Confused and shivering I stood up and started to look around for my gear as I held my ears trying to keep warm. Then I heard laughter, the irritating childish cackle that distinctively came from my younger brother’s mouth. Instantly I knew that he had done it, he had taken off my warmth and thought it was funny.

          “Where did you put them?” I demanded angrily; he simply shrugged pretending not to know.

          My six years of intelligence were far more advanced than his four so I easily found my snow gear buried a few feet away from where we stood. Trying to keep calm I unburied my stuff and started to walk home without a word but Jacob wasn’t going to let me leave so easily. Still trying to catch the older kids’ attention he circled around me laughing.

Jacob has always been playful and he loves picking on people.

          “Your gloves are wet, your hat is wet,” he chanted while circling around me.

          I was mad and I didn’t want to deal with him anymore. All I wanted to do was go home, get a hot cup of hot chocolate and sit on top of the warm vent. Words wouldn’t stop him and would only egg him on so I decided to get a little physical. I didn’t mean to hurt him; I just wanted him to stop. With one simple push my little brother fell hard and hit his head on an iced gravel road. Mere seconds felt like hours as I watched him fall. Everything was stained red and Jacob sat in shock.

          Sam came over asking, “What happened?”

After he saw the damage that I had done he repeated his question but with much more concern. Before getting an answer, he grabbed Jacob and carried him down the gravel road quickly trying to get him home safe and sound. Scared and guilt ridden I quickly followed my big brother’s footsteps in the snow. One of his strides matched three of mine so a practically ran back home trying to keep up with him. As a child, the path back home felt like miles but now I could walk it in a minute or less. Sam was already inside with Jacob while I was still swimming through the snow covered sidewalk.

I found my brothers in the living room with Sam holding a rag up to Jacob’s bleeding head as he sat on the couch. As I walked in Sam instructed me to take over while he got an ice pack. Unable to refuse I went over and sat behind my little brother. As I wiped Jacob’s head the strong iron scent filled my nostrils and I got a little nauseous. Then to my utter surprise and confusion, I noticed that he was wearing a red shirt even though he didn’t own any. Then I realized that his orange shirt had just been stained red with all the blood. Pulling the rag away from his head I saw the gash, it was dark and deep.

“Sam, there’s a hole!” I shouted scared.

Jacob had been in shock the whole time but after hearing this he started to get scared. Sam rushed in and comforted us as he looked at the hole. Sam was smart and he knew what had to be done. Leaving me to hold Jacob’s broken head he quickly went to the kitchen and called Mom, who was at work. She said that she’d come as soon as possible but it was a long way from Rochester to Racine.

              

Sam was our hero who would always com to our rescue.

         As we waited Sam pulled out a board game that was ironically called, “Cranium” and we started to play. Throughout the whole game Sam sat on the same side as Jacob and held his head. I couldn’t concentrate though, all I could think was, “Mom’s gonna be so angry. She’ll be so mad. I’m in so much trouble.” Jacob’s safety didn’t concern me because from where I sat he looked just fine playing happily with Sam holding his head.

        Eventually Mom walked in the front door and Sam, with his hand pressed against the back of Jacob’s head, calmly stated, “It’s still bleeding.”

Surprisingly my mom was very calm about it. Walking into the dining room where we were playing she helped Jacob put on his shoes and then brought him to the hospital, never saying a word to me and just asking Sam for any details. Ignoring me had to mean that she was angry with me, there was no other explanation.

The whole time they were gone I kept thinking of excuses to tell Mom. Jacob started it. It was just a small push. It wasn’t my fault. Ideas ran through my head and eventually I was overwhelmed and started to freak out. Sam saw me panicking and said comforting words.

“It’s not your fault Sarah, it was an accident.”

“Mom’s gonna kill me!” I shouted back.

“No she’s not. Mom knows it was an accident so she won’t blame you for it. And Jacob seemed fine so you don’t have to worry about him either.”

Oh yeah, I forgot about Jacob. He lost a lot of blood and that couldn’t be good. Small cuts were really painful but Jacob’s cut was big so he must have been in a lot of pain. Was he crying? Did he hate me because of this? What was I going to do if he didn’t like me anymore? Now all I could think about was how Jacob was going to react to this accident. Stress never bothered me until this day, I was so stressed about what my mom thought and what Jacob thought that I was driving myself crazy.

Then, they came home. Jacob walked in with a big childish smile on his face.

“How’d it go?” asked Sam.

“Three staples, nothing too serious.” Mom explained smiling at Jacob’s excitement.

My little brother wasn’t scared or angry, he was happy. In his mind, getting staples was the coolest thing ever and he couldn’t wait to tell his friends.

I looked up at Mom, waiting for my punishment. In fact, I’m still waiting. I thought that maybe she was just going to let the incident cool down first, but not once has she ever blamed me for breaking Jacob’s head open and not once has she scolded me for it. It felt as if I was the only one who even cared about the incident; Sam just blew it off, Jacob thought it was cool, Mom saw it as a simple accident, and Dad has never said a word about it. All of my worries felt unnecessary and my whole body felt empty, nothing was as it should be. Jacob should have been scared of me while Mom should have been angry and upset with me. Everything I expected to happen didn’t happen and my whole world was flipped upside down.

As siblings Jacob and I will always be close.

Jacob could have died because of a mistake on my part. Since he didn’t get hurt that badly, everyone just forgot about it and moved on, but what if he had been hurt? What if I hurt him so much that he would have never been the same again? There is always a time when I imagine life without the current Jacob and it is horrible. I don’t think I could peacefully live without him here with me so now I worry about his safety a lot more than I used to. This worry has made me step closer to him as a protective and loving older sister so even if he has never taken a step towards me, we are still closer than we had been in the past. I sincerely care for him and want him to be safe and happy even if it’s at my own expense. He is my one and only younger brother and I love him, now and forever.